circus freak

i would have thought i’d known by now

how to move with strings

tied to my wrists like a violin bow

wrung around clipped wings

our show begins at the gathering dusk

the puppeteer gets to work

i enter stage right – an empty husk

of a woman lost in the cirque

raise the curtains! the puppeteer says

act one shall now commence

i dance and dance in pairs of pairs

– an act of violence

they’re watching me, i know they are

like a whispering circus campaign

they place their bets, they go too far

still i stand and dance again

i stand and sit i stand and sit

so immaculate is this game

at the end of the show, i stand and sit

and the puppeteer calls again

i lie awake and now i see

the word ‘disinfect’ in front of me

i blink my eyes, the puppeteer glees

and lights up the marquee

hill

rock of gibraltar

there is a woman on the moon,

and for long has been

a glimmer of light in a dark lagoon –

and there, she is queen

there is a woman on the moon,

and she stares down at me

my every move, a ceaseless sea –

of war and humanity

there is a woman on the moon,

and layer by layer she undrapes

like burnt earth and soured grapes –

my soul i hear it break

the woman on the moon is a mirror

and what she says, i see

like stone –

“there is no escaping me”

originally published: 14 May 2020